516 Ad

Dramatis Personae

Sir Pellandres the Proud, as played by Adrian
Sir Hervis, as played by Dan
Sir Petain, as played by E.T.

CHAPTER the FIRST

In which Earl Robert seeks love and King Arthur is most wroth.

Earl Robert of Salisbury found himself most smitten with Lady Uffington of Silchester and therefore decided to attend King Arthur's Midsummer Night's court to seek her hand in marriage. In an attempt to display his wealth and power, he selected a group of his finest and most noble knights as his entourage, including Sir Pellandres, Sir Hervis, and the newly-knighted Sir Petain. En route to Carlion, they discussed the finer points of matrimony and the art of fin amor, to whit Sir Pellandres explained that he wouldn't marry until he found a woman that equalled his greatness.

Sadly for Earl Robert, his attempt to ask King Arthur and Duke Ulfius for permission to wed was most sorely interrupted by a messenger from Malahaut. The messenger announced that Duke Derfel of Lindsey had been driven over the River Humber by the Saxon horde, and that ships from the mainland were seen landing on the coast. Most wroth, King Arthur announced that he would ride on the morrow to seek great vengeance against the foul King Colgrin of Saxony.

CHAPTER the SECOND

In which our noble knights gather King Arthur's forces for battle.

And so King Arthur rode north with no more than his house retainers and the few knights that had been in attendance at the evening's feast. Determined to help with the war effort, our knights from Salisbury offered the King their services as scouts. Noting that Malahaut was a week's ride away and that the forces of Britain were grievously outnumbered, Sir Kay suggested that the be sent on a mission to gather troops from the nearby kingdoms and duchies instead.

Sir Pellandres rode swiftly from camp, but in his haste misjudged a pothole in the road, causing his rouncy to break its leg. Much dejected, he had his squire dispatch the poor beast before returning to the main force.

Sir Hervis and Sir Petain had much better luck, gathering men from Wuerensis, Tribruit, Brun, and Bedegraine before reuniting with the army outside of Lincoln.

CHAPTER the THIRD

In which Sir Petain loses his mind and Sir Hervis loses his blood.

King Arthur and his men arrived at the Humber River just as the Saxon forces descended upon Duke Derfel's remaining knights. In a most reckless fashion, the king ordered his troops to attack.

Earl Robert and his knights found themselves in Duke Ulfius of Silchester's vanguard as the orders to charge were issued. Sir Petain struck a Saxon heoathgeneat squarely in the chest. Sir Pellandres and Sir Hervis were unlucky and found themselves unhorsed.

Battle was joined. Sir Petain thought back to all the misery the Saxon people had wrought on his family over the decades, but upon finally facing his cultural foe in battle, found himself feeling empty. He froze on the battlefield and sank to his knees in horror. Meanwhile, Sir Hervis took a savage blow to his neck. His squired struggled to drag him from the battlefield while Sir Pellandres blamed his inability to hit anything on "the Curse of Carabad."

Moments later, Arthur's disorganized forces were left with no option but to withdraw into the nearby forest to regroup.

CHAPTER the FOURTH

In which our knights fight at night.

Night quickly fell as Arthur's troops reorganized themselves in the woods. In the confusion, the Saxons decided to push their advantage with an after-hours assault. Sir Pellandres found himself locked in brutal battle once again with a leering Saxon heorthgeneat. He prevailed, but not before taking a gruesome blow to the torso.

The remaining Salisburian knights rallied and drove the Saxons back to the river, where they were cut-off from their boats and killed.

King Arthur initiated a siege on Eburacum, but the weather turned against him and, in the face of terrible odds, he was forced to withdraw.


Dramatis Personae

Sir Carabad, as played by James

CHAPTER the FIRST

In which Sir Carabad and Phillipe, his Steward, discuss matters of greed and avarice.

With the harvest festival of Michaelmas approaching, Sir Carabad sought ways to advance his station. Foremost, he wanted to invite Ablamor of the Marsh to a feast in his honor in order to secure a friend against the Orkney clan, but his hopes of making such an alliance were dashed by the sage words of Phillipe, his Steward, who reminded the young knight that such merriment comes at the expense of hard-earned coin. Most vexed, Carabad queried Phillipe on the various methods available for raising such an income.

After dismissing wartime plunder and tournament winnings as viable options, Carabad decided that impressing his lord and earning an additional land grant was the surest means of social advancement. Knowing that his lord, Earl Robert, was enamored with Lady Uffington of Silchester, he set forth to that distant land to perform a grand service for the Lady of the White Horse Vale, thus impressing his lord and future lady with his worth as a chivalrous knight.

CHAPTER the SECOND

In which Sir Laern of Silchester seeks Sir Carabad's advice in matters of humiliation.

En route to Uffington, Sir Carabad met Sir Laern of Silchester who was most distraught. Sir Laern told his sad tale, in which he was beset upon by the evil custom of Lord Gladius, a Roman knight. While traveling to the Archangel Tournament in Bath, he encountered Sir Gladius's knights standing guard at a tower in the forest. They challenged him to joust, and upon unhorsing him, ruthlessly chopped off his beard and hung it upon a pole.

Most wroth, but facing uncertain odds, Sir Laern sought out Sir Carabad's help in achieving vengeance for his lost beard. Forsooth, Sir Carabad was both good at keeping embarrassing secrets private and, as far as Sir Laern knew, had some experience in jousting at crossroads for profit.

Sir Carabad, upon hearing his friend's sad tale, gladly agreed to avenge the missing beard.

CHAPTER the THIRD

In which Sir Carabad's errant beard floats downstream.

As Sir Laern and Sir Carabad approached the Tower of the Beard, Sir Carabad sought a means of confounding the defending knights, but ultimately challenged them to a straight-forward joust. He was soon unhorsed, and the foul knights of Lord Gladius descended upon his beard with wrongful intent. Not one to be de-bearded by strangers, Sir Carabad drew his dagger and did the deed himself, after which he tossed his errant beard into the nearby brook. He stood triumphant as it floated downstream.

Most wroth, Sir Carabad demanded audience with Lord Gladius, but was sorely denied entry to the tower by the three knights. Thus, he was forced to use his most dangerous weapon — his mouth. He issued forth a scathing rant about the sanctity of a knight's beard. Most annoyed, Lord Gladius to set forth from his tower.

The Lord of the Tower of the Beard was most unapologetic. He argued that beards were the uncivilized mark of a savage people and that true Romans would never sully themselves with one. He told Sir Carabad that he would learn to love his beardless visage, and that ladies would as well. After some contemplation upon the economics of tolling men on their beards, Sir Carabad decided that he would ask Lady Uffington her opinion of beards before deciding Lord Gladius's fate.

CHAPTER the FOURTH

In which Sir Carabad indulges in drink and does some regrettable things.

Sir Carabad and Sir Laern arrived in Uffington to find that the Lady of the White Horse Vale was busy hawking. Sir Laern convinced Sir Carabad to visit the local inn, where the two knights proceeded to get absolutely hammered. His judgement impaired, Sir Carabad visited the local tailor, where he requested a new collar, which he had embroidered with a pair of white horses wearing veils. The next morning, Cibno, Sir Carabad's squire, remarked that a veil was different from a vale.

Undeterred, Sir Carabad took audience with the Lady Uffington and offered her his service. She told him the story of Sir Cadmus, who had recently abandoned his manor and become a brigand. Sir Carabad vowed to bring the rogue knight to justice. He also asked the lady if she preferred beards. Somewhat taken aback by such a bold question, she told the beardless knight that it was indeed a most civilized thing to be clean-shaven.

At this point, Sir Laern took his leave to attend the Archangel Tournament in Bath.

CHAPTER the FIFTH

In which Sir Carabad falls to banditry and takes a most savage beating.

Sir Carabad rode to the village of Jerrow, where he learned that its lord, Sir Cadmus, had indeed taken to banditry. Cadmus was distraught over the senseless death of his brother in Malahaut under the reckless leadership of King Arthur and Duke Derfel, and thus decided to rebel against the crown. He had taken to the nearby wood with half-a-dozen loyal footmen of dubious morals.

Sir Carabad and Cibno rode into the forest and eventually found the bandit camp. Being most deceitful, Sir Carabad disguised himself as a rogue knight and infiltrated the camp to gain Sir Cadmus's trust. Together they cursed the nobility and pondered the philosophy of Abbot Steven of Whitby.

Yet Sir Cadmus was suspicious of Sir Carabad, and sent him forth to the King's Road to rob a grain shipment that was guarded by two knights of Lady Uffington. In the midst of the attack, Sir Carabad turned on Sir Cadmus, but was struck from his horse with a savage blow from the fiend's sword.

Undeterred, Sir Carabad dragged Sir Cadmus from his saddle while Cibno recovered his horse. The two knights of Uffington began pummeling Sir Cadmus was Sir Carabad bravely charged the seven spear-wielding footmen. Sadly, he was knocked from his saddle and beaten into unconsciousness.

CHAPTER the SIXTH

In which Sir Carabad pens a most humble letter to Lady Uffington.

Most dejected from his failure and smarting from his wounds, Sir Carabad spent the following month recovering in a nearby Abbey, during which he had one of the monks transcribe a weepy letter of apology to the Lady Uffington on his behalf.

He then returned to his manor, but not before revisiting the Tower of the Beard to inform Lord Gladius that his taxing of beards may continue.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License