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Dramatis Personae

Sir Pellandres the Proud, as played by Adrian
Sir Guy the Cruel, as played by Scott
Sir Carabad, as played by James

CHAPTER the FIRST

In which Sir Carabad discovers the perils of goatherding.

En route to Malahaut to put down the rebellious vassals of the former king, the noble knights of Earl Robert were accosted by a churlish goatherd who asked each man in passing to help in recovering his prized billy, Rumblebum, who had wandered into the nearby woods. Sir Guy and Sir Pellandres swiftly dismissed the peasant, but Sir Carabad, the most chivalrous of knights, offered to give chase. This led him into the Forest Sauvage, where he soon discovered that Rumblebum was the size of a small horse. His troubles were further compounded by the fact that the poor goat was being roughed up by a three-eyed giant.

The most valorous Sir Carabad charged into battle on the goat's behalf, but was waylaid by a club to the head. His vision blurred, he stabbed the giant once with his lance before making a prudent retreat.

Alas, Sir Carabad's efforts were in vain, for the peasant was most wroth by loss of his goat, and Sir Guy and Sir Pelandres assumed that his wounds and crazy story were the results of riding into a low-hanging branch while romping through the forest. There was much laughter at his expense.

CHAPTER the SECOND

In which our knights discover that war is most hellish.

After a week of travel, the Salisburian knights arrived Eburacum, where they found the Duke of Lindsey's army gleefully burning crops and beating peasants. Much distraught by this scene of injustice, Sir Pellandres rescued a hapless churl from two cruel knights while Sir Carabad rode forward to lecture the Duke in the articles of just war. This entreaty was met with a swift backhand and orders to return to his camp for orders. There, the knights learned that the rebellious Malahautians had taken to the fens and forests and allied themselves with the villainous Saxons of Nohaut. Frustrated by months of slow attrition instead of glorious battle, the Duke's army was now determined to crush the land beneath an iron fist.

The knights rode out the following day on patrol, where they found the land burned and wasted. The few remaining peasants were fearful and suspicious, but Sir Pellandres wooed them over with a handful of coins. Although skeptical of the knights intentions, the peasants told a tale of a previous patrol that was captured by Saxons and marched into nearby the Forest of Deira.

CHAPTER the THIRD

In which Sir Carabad is grievously wounded and a prisoner is captured.

After a day of wandering through the dank woods of Malahaut, the Salisburian knights discovered the Saxon camp upon a hill of standing stones. With Sir Pellandres leading the charge, the knights quickly tore through the Saxon defenses. In the heat of battle, some rebel knights were spotted escaping into the forest, and Sir Carabad followed in pursuit. A challenge was issued for single combat, to which the escaping knight, Sir Timbleton, accepted and swiftly skewered poor Carabad with a lance. Distraught at associating with vile Saxons and fighting against his fellow Britons, the rebel knight threw down his arms and surrendered.

While returning the fugitive Sir Timbleton to justice, the patrol spent the evening at his manor of Northhallerton. After a few glasses of port, he disclosed that the rebels are led by Abbot Steven of Whitby — known in certain circles as the "Mad Abbot" for his bizarre political views. A former knight under Uther Pendragon, the Mad Abbot grew disgusted with the monarchy and joined the clergy, where he began to preach his unorthodox views on the rights of man. The rebellion of Malahaut swiftly fell under his control as he allied nobles, peasants, and Saxons alike against the Duke of Lindsey's men.

Sir Guy was most wroth that no torture was required of Sir Timbleton, who poured out information quite freely. In the meantime, Sir Carabad's wounds were tended to by a drunken friar, whose clumsy application of leaches left the poor knight in a most awful state.

CHAPTER the FOURTH

In which Sir Pellandres and Sir Guy hatch a most cunning plan.

Informed that the Mad Abbot would be meeting with the rebel knights and the Saxon warchiefs at the Brideshead — a large hill shaped like a goat's head — at the next full moon, Sir Pellandres plotted out a means to capture the crazed holy man. Disguised as Sir Timbleton's vassal knights, they would infiltrate the camp and kidnap the abbot as he preached his heretical sermon to the rebels. While waiting, the knights listened to a peasant ramble on about how the abbot was a big man with grand ideas for uniting Britain under popular rule, in which all men were free and the social classes were abolished. It was a most alarming concept.

As anticipated, the mad abbot arrived in the knights' false camp, and as planned, Sir Guy stuffed him into a large burlap sack. A shout echoed through the night, and within minutes the combined armies of the rebel knights and the Saxon warchiefs were chasing the Salisburian knights through the river valley. They pushed their horses to the very breaking point, and by the following morning were free of their pursuers.

CHAPTER the FIFTH

In which Sir Guy is given the rarest of gifts.

In audience with Duke Derfel, Duke of Lindsey, Abbot Steven of Whitby is judged a traitor and sentenced to be executed. After a lengthy oration by Sir Guy the Cruel about the various ways in which he could be tortured and killed, it was finally decided that he would be beheaded, and that said head would tour the Kingdom of Malahaut on a pike as a warning to all traitors.

Although initially dismissive of the Salisburian knights, Duke Derfel's mind was changed by Sir Pellandres's argument that they had single-handedly reversed the course of the rebellion. Reluctantly, the Duke offered the knights their choice of reward, to whit Sir Pellandres the Proud asked that he be allowed to lead the charge against the Saxons in the next battle. Sir Guy the Cruel, on the other hand, made the odd request that he be allowed the honor of beheading the traitorous abbot.

One week later, Malahaut was over-run by an army of furious Saxons, who recovered the Abbot's severed head and butchered any knight they could find. The Duke's forces were driven back across the Humber River and the year's campaign against the rebellion came to an unfortunate close.

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