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Dramatis Personae

Sir Pellandres the Proud, as played by Adrian
Sir Guy the Cruel, as played by Scott
Sir Carabad, as played by James
Sir Hervis, as played by Dan
Sir Moriol, as played by Eric
Sir Uwaine the Silver-tongued, as played by Doug
Sir Emarouse the Bold, as played by Chris

CHAPTER the FIRST

In which our squires learn a lesson in feudal economics

During the third year of King Arthur's glorious reign, seven bold, young squires were assembled by old Sir Jaradan, Marshal of Salisbury, for a most ambitious quest. A man-eating bear had been sighted near the village of Imber, and the peasantry was too terrified to work the fields.

Historians would argue that a bear is more of a nuisance than anything else, but as the wizened old knight explained, it was a grave threat to the feudal way-of-life. If the peasants wouldn't work the fields, there would be no harvest. Without a harvest, Robert, Earl of Salisbury, would find his coffers empty. Empty coffers would mean no new horses, armor, or swords. Without horses, armor, and swords, there would be no knights. Without knights, the Saxons would over-run the country and everyone would be speaking German and eating sauerkraut. Thus, Sir Jaradan explained, this bear was a major threat to the economy of of the state and needed to be dealt with most severely.

A battle was fought between the squires for leadership, in which Sir Emarouse thrashed his comrades most soundly. The expedition set out immediately for Imber, which was one-day's ride to the west. The squires spent the night in a religious vigil at Amesbury Abbey, except for Sir Uwaine, who feigned a bout of the pox and enjoyed an evening of blissful respite.

The following day, the squires encountered the fair Lady Alison sitting upon a donkey in the crossroad. Most bereaved, she requested their help in freeing her bethroved, a noble knight, who was being held as part of an evil custom in the nearby village of Millbury. After a brief debate between Sir Pellandres the Proud and Sir Uwaine about the merits of justice versus the merits of prudence, the squires decided that aiding the maiden was their only recourse.

In Millbury, the squires found Sir Aefric, a Saxon mercenary-knight, bound in stocks and sorely humiliated by churlish peasants, who were pelting him with rotten cabbages. The knight, they explained, had abused their hospitality by getting belligerently drunk, burning down the inn, and most gravely insulting their lady, the heiress Uffington. As a counter-point, Sir Aefric, most wroth, vowed to burn the village down upon being released from his bondage.

Sir Guy proposed that Sir Aefric be relieved of his humiliation by a merciful thrust of his sword, but the other squires intervened. Sir Hervis and Sir Carabad proposed a trial-by-combat, in which the knight would vow to leave town and turn himself into Earl Robert upon being defeated by one of the squires in a joust. The irritable knight agreed to terms, and upon a deceitful counsel with Sir Uwaine, decided that Sir Emarouse would make a likely victim.

Both men mounted their steeds and said a brief prayer to their respective gods. Moments later, Sir Aefric was smote down most aggressively by brave Sir Emarouse. The mercenary knight vowed to return to Earl Robert's court and left the village quite dejected.

Later that day, the squires arrived in Imber and met with Garr the Elder, the drunken parish priest. Together they embarked for the forest, but their hunt was a debacle and the squires were forced to return to Imber in shame.

The following morning, the squires split into three teams in order to better canvas the forest. The first team, led by Sir Hervis, was lost in the wood for hours and praised the saints upon finding their way back to Imber. The second team, led by Sir Carabad, was woefully distracted by horns for much of the day. Only Sir Emarouse, who was led by Garr the Elder, succeeded in flushing out their prey. Sir Moriol and Sir Guy fell upon the poor bear with their flashing swords and dispatched it most efficiently. At Imber, there was much rejoicing.

After dispatching some cow-stealing bandits, the squires returned to Sarum, where Earl Robert applauded their selfless heroism. The squires spent the evening in solemn vigil, during which Sir Emarouse had a vision of Saint George slaying a dragon. The following day, they were made knights of the realm.

CHAPTER the SECOND

In which our knights learn that one should never trust a Saxon

Most wroth that the indolent Sir Aefric broke his vow to return to Earl Robert's court, the newly-knighted knights pledged to hunt him down in the name of justice. Upon swearing an oath, they scattered to the four compass points to search for clues.

Sir Emarouse wisely returned to the scene of the crime and found Lady Alison most bereaved at the Amesbury Abby. She lamented her association with such a craven knight and begged forgiveness, and in doing so told Sir Emarouse that Sir Aefric had sought sanctuary in the rival city of Levcomagus. In gratitude, the knight offered the weeping maiden a home in his manor of Newton, to which she accepted and began preparing for the impending nuptials.

The knights descended upon Levcomagus, which is part of the Duchy of Silchester, rival to Salisbury. Sir Carabad and Sir Moriol besieged the castle by sitting patiently in the sitting room while awaiting an audience with the steward. The remaining knights stationed themselves at the postern gate in preparation for an ambush. In the wee hours of the night, foul Sir Aefric attempted an escape, but after a brief horse-chase, he was most righteously clobbered by Sir Emarouse, who sent the cad crashing to the ground.

Most overjoyed, the company returned to Salisbury with the false knight in chains. There was much rejoicing.

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